The C List
Celebrities, they're awesome aren't they? There's a whole industry based around their very existence making sure 24 hour news channels never run out of fresh material and pornography always has a fresh supply of fallen stars. But for every real life celebrity, there's a faker yearning to nuzzle amongst their ranks. And as The Colin and Matt Show are self appointed defenders of public decency, we feel it is our job to hunt down these frauds and expose them for the C Listers they really are.
So with that, The Colin and Matt Show proudly present to you, The C List! A collection of the world's greatest wastes of celebrity gossip columns and wanna be star whores. Failures of fame are gathered here for all to note and take heed so we can learn from their mistakes, move away from their desperation and help make the world a better place. Or just to mock, which ever your prefer.
And being the democatic nation The Colin and Matt Show is, we're always looking for submissions to The C List. If you'd like to nominate a "celebrity" then send it to studio@thecolinandmattshow.co.uk
Jack Tweed(y) A worthy listener submission from Chris in Wales. A man who's famous for marrying someone who's famous for being an idiotic racist off a reality show, it's hard to find a reason why Jack shouldn't be on the C List He punches taxi drivers for fun, can't count past 3 and eats babies for breakfast (possibly). In fact, every day he wakes up provides another reason to take offense at his life. After digging deep we couldn't find any nice things to say about Jack so the rest of this paragraph will be blank in respect for all those that died of boredom upon learning of his existence
|
 |
 |
Davina McCall Ex-dating show presenter and ubiquitous front of the UK Big Brother "empire", Davina is celebrity marmite. But if you're sitting on the fence, here are some suggested reasons to find her annoying. Garnier adverts and her mum's "bit of grey" That said, she's still a Fern Britton in the making You're live on the C List, please do not swear
|
Bono Say his name 3 times in the mirror and he'll preach you to death with hypocrisy, it's no surprise Bono is on the C-List The celebrity version of a high street Charity "canvasser", he'd punch your 2 year old child till it bleeds unless you give all your money to his cause d' jour Tax evader, planet polluter and sunglass wearing cock ring, his soul purpose is to annoy the shit out of any sane human being. And did we mention his music, since 1992 "U2" has held the record for most synonyms including bland, pretentious, over-rated and bizarrely, shed Hello, hello, you're on the C list |
 |
 |
David Carruso Before staring in CSI, Carruso was a catalog model for Argos. When producers saw his picture in the Elizabeth Duke sunglasses section they knew they had found the face for their lead role. His inclusion on the C List is mainly due to his drop glasses - say line style of acting, which he learnt from Arnold Schwarzenegger while he used to clean his pool. Little else can be said about Mr Carruso, other than as an overrated type cast actor, his fame will be short lived, like a fart in a field. Welcome...... to the C List |
James Blunt He's annoying, pointless, makes crap music and looks like Matt. What more reason could you need to add this bum note to the C List? How about he used to be in the army and drove a tank about the place while strumming his acoustic musing on the futility of war? Or maybe it's simply the fact his name is now rhyming slang for the naughtiest word in the English language. Welcome to the C List you Blunt |
 |
 |
Perez Hilton They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and if after looking at this one you still need some text as to why he's on the C List, then let us add some more. The epitomy of The C List, Perez Hilton has no other purpose than to make you wish the internet was never invented. He's annoying, childish and void of any reason other than to induce vomiting in overdose victims through the mere mention of his name. Welcome to the C List, LOL |
Christiano Ronaldo The world's greatest footballer and the definition of Douche Bag, Christiano Ronaldo is everything a man hates: He's talented, amazing at football, fancied by all the women and he's got more money than a dodgy politician's expense account. He might not have made it on to the C List if it wasn't for his smug Chihuahua like pout and ability to ooze an air of twat in to a 2 mile vicinity If he was an aftershave, he would be Pretentious by Armani. We hope you enjoy your transfer to the C List |
 |
 |
Peter Andre He runs a chain of gyms, occasional shits "music" in to the chart and was once married to a woman named after a Middle East country, Peter Andre is another example of prime douchery. Once popular with pubescent girls in the mid 90s, this C Lister now hangs on to the rim of fame through his whirlwind romance with the loose morald sex hag Jordan. He "invented" the word Insania and made a song about it. Need we say more? Welcome to the C List, Mysterious Girl |